


Know Who I Am

by JJBashir



Series: The Aislinn MacMurdo Chronicles [2]
Category: seaQuest, seaQuest DSV
Genre: Date Night, F/M, First Dates, Flash Forward, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-27
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-30 15:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1020083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJBashir/pseuds/JJBashir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim and Linn's first official date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Know Who I Am

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place about six weeks after the end of 'For The First Time.'
> 
> I did a series of fics based on the City of Angels soundtracks. Though this is the last of that series, in the overall chronological order of the MacMurdo Chronicles, this is story #2 and so sits in its correct position there. There is also a brief reference at the end of the story to future events

_How hard can it be?_ Tim wondered to himself as he walked down D deck. _All I have to do is KNOCK on the door, and ask her to dinner. A no-brainer. Cake. Oh God...I'm gonna be sick_

They had all just found out about the surprise shore leave a few hours ago. An entire evening off, and in one of the best cities in the world to kick back and relax---Key West. It was one of the favorite places Tim had discovered during his two tours on seaQuest. Once, he got to take a week off and wander around the art deco streets of the southernmost city in the old United States. He had vowed that it was a trip he would take again if he ever got the chance. Ben Kreig, Jon Ford, Will Shan and Miguel Ortiz were all going 'cruising' and dragging Lucas with them. No one knew what the Capatin or Dr.Westphalen were going to do. Cheif Manilow Crocker was meeting his wife in town for dinner...but he had gone out of his way to find the normally shy Communications Officer to give him a piece of advice.

> "There's this great little bistro in town, Lieutenant," he had said. "Quiet, romantic. Just the kinda place I'd take a girl on a date."  
>  Tim's eyes widened for a second. "Ah--um--I really don't know who I would--"  
>  "You don't fool me, son," Crocker had said. "It's clearer than the Caribbean you and Lieutenant MacMurdo are--keeping company."  
>  Tim blushed.  
>  "So take you that gal of yours out on the town, O'Neill. Proper like. You both deserve it."

So Tim had found himself standing outside the doorway marked 'Lt. (J.G.) Aislinn MacMurdo'. He wiped his hands against his khaki pants again. He was glad the collar of his brown plaid shirt wasn't buttoned to the top...it would be choking him for sure. He raised a hand to knock on her door.

He had to knock twice before he got any answer.

"Hullo?" he heard from the other side. She sounded very sleepy--like she had just woken up.

"Linn?" he called. "Um--it's me--Tim." He cursed himself silently. _Who else would she think it was, dummy!?_

"Oh! Hold on a sec--" He could hear her shuffling around for a moment.

The door opened slowly.

Tim took a sharp breath in. No matter how many times he saw Aislinn MacMurdo's face, he would never cease to be amazed at how extraordinarily beautiful she was. Her skin glowed like a translucent alabaster vase he saw once in a museum...warm and golden. And her eyes were perfect emeralds, the color of them impossible for him to quantify as just 'green'. But those unquantifiable green eyes looked very weary, behind her silver oval glasses.

"Hi," he said.

She smiled. "Hi," she replied.

Tim touched her face tentatively. He still wasn't quite sure what was allowable with public displays of attention--privately, he knew, all KINDS of things were allowed. "You OK?" he asked, his face worried.

"I was just napping," she said, running a hand through her hair. She was wearing a grey sweatsuit with the UEO insignia on the front.

"Oh," Tim said. He wasn't quite sure what to do next. "You're --ah--not going into Key West?"

She shook her head. "Katie," Lt. Commander Katherine Hitchcock was Linn's best friend aboard the seaQuest,"wanted to go out...but I'm kind of tired. I just wanted to try and catch up on me sleep."

"Oh," Tim said again. He fidgeted a bit. "Um--well--I'll just let you get your rest." He turned to leave, cursing himself. _Of COURSE she's tired--between bridge duty and her research and fooling around with you, she exhausted, poor thing._

Linn looked at Tim carefully as he turned to go. He wasn't overly dressed up--but she could tell that he had gone out of his way to look NICE. She recognized the shirt--he wore it when they went out in Edinburgh. She liked it--it brought out his deep brown eyes even more. His hair was neatly brushed, but it was the cologne that did it. Drakkar. Her favorite on him. She had taken one whiff of it the fist day they met and was hooked.

"Timothy?" she called after him.

He turned. "Yeah?" he said. He tried to hide the disappointment.

"Um--did ye want to do something tonight?" she asked.

Tim shook his head. "It's OK," he lied. "You need some rest. I've been keeping you up pretty late," he added with a smile.

Linn blushed. "What did ye have in mind?" she asked, yawning and streching at the same time.

Tim shook his head. "Forget it," he said firmly. "I'll just head out with--"

She chuckled and shook her head. "Yer not trying to ask me out on a date, are ye, Tim?" she teased.

Tim chuckled ruefully himself. "Pretty lousy job, huh?"

She smiled at him. "So, ye gonna ask me, or what?"

Tim shook his head. "You're tired, Linn, I don't--"

She looked up at him. "Tim," she said quietly.

He sighed. "Linn--would you--would you like to go out to dinner with me?"

She grinned and pecked Tim on the cheek. "Give me a minute to get changed?" she said.

Tim nodded.

It was ten minutes later when she came back out. Tim was astonished at the transformation. When she had opened her door, she was a bit disheveled...in her comfy sweats and thick, wool socks. When she opened the door again, she was wearing a flippy little tanktop sundress--it was a cream colored thing with little blue and maroon flowers on it, and she had a beige linen shawl draped over her shoulders. Her hair was completely loose, falling down around her shoulders in soft waves. The bangs were curled slightly and swept away from her face. She had dusted her cheeks with blush--barely--but her lips were a pinky-rose color that Tim found adorable. He could smell her perfume--White Linen. Always. He couldn't imaging her smelling like anything else--except lilacs. She had sachets in her clothing drawers, and they were lilac scented. He loved the juxtaposition of the two scents...the heavy sweetness of the lilacs against the crisp floral of the perfume. She wore simple brown slip-on sandals, and a crocheted brown bag was slung over her shoulder.

"Wow," Tim sighed. "You look fabulous." Tim wanted to kiss her; instead he simply touched her cheek with the back of his hand

She smiled demurely as she blushed.

"Shall we go?" he asked, slipping his arm around her waist.

"I never realized how--DEEP--it was before," Linn said. They were sitting on a bench in front of a Dali painting. Linn was an art lover, though her tastes leaned more towards the French Impressionists--Monet, Manet, and a few select Van Gogh pieces. Tim was more the extremist--Gauguin, Picasso, Pollack--and Dali. 

"So you see the juxtaposition of the mortal and the divine?" he asked. She nodded. "I never really noticed it before."

There were sitting side by side, not touching, simply viewing the picture and wrapping themselves in it. It was an intensely personal yet shared feeling for them.

Linn wanted badly to slip her hand in Tim's. He made her feel secure. She had been married for three years, and never once did she feel the  
security she felt around Tim O'Neill. She kept sneaking glances at him, watching his profile. He never realized how ruggedly handsome he was--at least to her. There was a set to his jaw, the deep dimple in his chin, the bare curve of his lips, the slightly lopsided grin, that made her feel like she was sixteen again. She strove maintain the cultured, sophisticated academic persona that she had developed over the years, but she was failing. She couldn't help herself---there was something about the earnest man next to her that made her want to act like a silly girl in love.

Tim wanted to wrap his arm around her shoulders and pull her close to him. Aislinn fit in his embrace like no other woman ever had. She laughed at his jokes--she even liked the way he dressed. She hadn't tried to change him to fit some grand image in her head once since their relationship had deepened. He NEVER stuttered around her--and most of the time, he didn't even have to talk. She was content just to have him there--and not to fill the air around them with useless babble. It was like his presence was enough to please her. He strove everyday to make her smile at him--the sweet, angelic smile she had leveled on him the first time they met--the smile that made him fall in love with her. He took a deep breath--he struggled with himself...and he slowly reached out and brushed her hand with his own.

She started a bit when she felt his hand brush against hers. She looked out of the corner of her left eyes---and saw him looking at her out of the corner of his right. She gave a quiet laugh, and smiled, looking down at her feet. She linked her fingers around his, and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

Tim smiled as she took his right hand in hers. He let it rest there for a moment, then he slipped it out. He slid over a inch or so, then took her hand again--with his LEFT, as he slipped his right arm around her shoulders.

Linn smiled. She settled herself against Tim's frame, as she released his hand and eased it around her waist. She gently stroked his arm with her free hand, still looking intently at the painting.

Tim was thrilled. _THIS was what romance was all about,_ he thought. _This was how it was supposed to be._

 

There was a old fashioned carnival near the old Hemingway Piers. The Piers were a favorite hangout of Tim's when he was in Key West, and he  
couldn't wait to bring Linn here.

"This place is amazing," she said to him. The music all around them was loud and raucous, the huskers bellowing for the passing crowd to try their hand at the various games of skill. Tim's eye caught the milk can throw--and the huge stuffed dolphin in the booth.

Linn saw the gleam in his eye. "Tim," she warned.

"What kind of date would I be if I didn't win you something?" he said, dragging her over to the booth.

"A richer one," Linn replied. "Tim! NO!"

Tim slapped a five dollar bill on the counter. "Three."

"Och," Linn muttered.

Ten dollars and six balls later, Tim knocked over a trio of milk cans.

The crowd around them applauded.

The husker reached down in his booth for a prize.

"Uh-uh," Tim said. "The dolphin," he said, pointing to the large stuffed animal.

The husker laughed. "You gotta knock down all three sets o'cans for that one, buddy."

Tim's eyes narrowed slightly. His hand reached for his wallet again.

"Timothy!" Linn squealed.

Tim slapped another fiver on the counter. "Give 'em here," he ordered the husker.

The husker shrugged at Linn's scowl as he handed Tim the three baseballs.

 

WHAM! The first set of cans clattered to the ground  
WHACK! So did the second.  
WHUMP! Two of the cans fell over, but the bottom right one was wobbling, as if it were fighting to stay on the counter.

 

Tim gave the milk can a nasty look.

 

The can fell to the ground.

 

He turned to the crowd, with a 'am I good or WHAT?' smirk on his face. They cheered loudly as he was nearly knocked over by Linn, who threw her arms around him. He held her waist as he spun her once, before he retrieved the dolphin. "Hey, you earned it, buddy," the husker said, as  
Tim hoisted 'his' prize onto his shoulders, his arms around the head and tail of the toy.

"You are so impressive," Linn said. Then she kissed him.

Tim couldn't pull her closer--he was holding on to the dolphin. He had to be content with her lingering kiss. "I should win you more stuff," he said breathlessly, after she let his lips go.

"Ye dinnae have to win me anything," she teased.

Tim smirked. "I'm glad I did though."

She put her arm around his waist. "Och, yer incorrigible," she said.

They had time for one ride before dinner--and Tim picked the Jukebox. It was sort of a ultra-fast merry-go-round...that ran with loud music running. He left the dolphin in safe-keeping with the ride operator as he and Linn got into one of the cars. The best part of the ride being so fast was that it slammed you into the person next to you--a perfect ride for two sweethearts who wanted to cuddle. The ride started to some tune by one of the newer rock groups--he wasn't too crazy about them. It was one of Miguel's favorites. Then, a song came on that Tim had actually been thinking about for a couple of weeks. Tim cursed his rotten luck--this was NOT the place he wanted to hear this song. He was kind of hoping to get at least one slow dance in on the evening--and it was going to be to this song. But, then again...he was out on the town, in one of his favorite places in the world, with the most beautiful woman that he had ever known. And he was in love--and she loved him back. And it was a beautiful night. And for once in his life, Tim O'Neill said, _What the hell?_ in this head, kicked back and enjoyed the ride.

The restaurant was near the end of the Piers, close to Malloy Square. Unlike so much in Key West, it was called 'Red Fish, Blue Fish'. The menu was primarily seafood, which was Linn's favorite. Tim noticed that there were quite a few purely vegetarian dishes as well, and he was impressed. Chief Crocker was right--this was the kind of place you took your best girl to on a date. The main room of the restaurant was low-lit, yet comfortable. There was soft music playing in the background. There were two other rooms. One was the bar and the other had a DJ and a decent sized dance floor.

"This a regular haunt of yours?" Linn asked as they were seated.

"Nope," Tim said, pulling her chair out for her. "Chief Crocker recommended it."

"Really? I'm surprised," Linn said. "It LOOKS like somewhere you'd be drawn to on a regular basis."

Tim nodded, then looked at the waiter approaching them in confusion. He was carrying a bottle of wine to their table. "Um, we didn't order any--"

"With compliments of the couple at the far table," the waiter said as he opened the bottle. He poured a small amount of the pinor noir for Tim and Linn to taste. Tim caught the label of the bottle. It was from Tim's favorite vineyard, a small, exclusive Long Island vintner. The year on the bottle was 1991--a stellar year for this particular vintage--and NOT cheap. Tim nodded at the waiter, who left them menus, then looked over to the 'far table'.

Manilow Crocker and his wife raised their glasses at Tim. Tim shook his head and grinned.

"Who is it?" Linn asked.

"Oh," Tim said. "Just a couple of friends."

They didn't talk about work over dinner. They DID manage to work their way through all six languages that Tim spoke fluently--and the three he was pretty competent in as well. "I gotta get on the stick," he complained. "How many languages CAN you speak, anyways?"

"Oh, I dunno," she said. "Twelve, fourteen--I forget."

Tim's eyebrows went up. He should know better than to underestimate Aislinn.

"I been studying them since I was SIX, Tim," she said, reading his unspoken thought. "I had a three year head start on ye."

Tim took her hand and kissed it. "That hardly makes it less impressive, _eudail_ ," he said.

They gazed deep into each other's eyes. _So many mysteries,_ they thought about the other. _So much I want to know._

"Would you like to dance?" Tim asked.

"I would love to," Linn replied.

Tim went over to the DJ and asked him if he had any late nineties stuff. When he pulled out the soundtrack, Tim nodded. He pointed out the one song, and the DJ slipped it into the player.

"What was all that about?" Linn said as they made their way to the dance floor.

"Oh, just something I wanted to tell you," Tim said. "But, I don't feel like talking. So I'm letting somebody else do it for me."

The song started and Linn smiled.

__

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_  
 _Cause I know that you feel somehow_  
 _You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_  
 _ _And I don't want to got home right now.__

_And all I can taste is this moment_  
 _And all I can breathe is your life_  
 _Cause sooner or later it's over_  
 _I just don't want to miss you tonight_

_And I don't want the world to see me_  
 _Cause I don't think that they'd understand_  
 _When everything's made to be broken_  
 _I just want you to know who I am_

Linn was puzzled as she and Tim waltzed. She always thought of this as a sad song--a song about being separated. Being away from the one you loved the most. "I don't get it," she said aloud.

Tim took her face in his hands. "I want you to know who I am," he said and kissed her once. "Deep inside. I want you to see me. I want to _let_ you see me."

Linn's eyes opened wide. Tim hid from people. She knew that. He had told her---her thought petered out at the epiphany. He had told HER. Had he ever told anyone _else_? Was she the only one who knew of his pains, his dreams, his fears? Had he only entrusted the deepest parts of him to her, and her alone?

_And you can't hide the tears that ain't coming_  
 _Or the moment of truth in your lies_  
 _When everything seems like the movies_  
 _Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive_

She stopped moving. "Tim, what are ye trying to tell me?" she asked.

Tim smiled at her as he stroked her face. "That I love you--enough to let you all the way in. If you want that."

Linn took his hand in hers. "Tim," she whispered.

"I don't want to hide from you," he said. "I don't NEED to hide from you, Aislinn."

She smiled slowly, finally realizing what tonight had been really about. Then, she embraced him, snuggling as close as she could. "Thank you, Tim," she whispered. "Thank you for tonight. For YOU. ALL of you."

* * *

Linn O'Neill looked out of the attic window. Sometimes, she just came up her to think. She was rummaging around in the boxes that they stored up here. That was when she had come across the dolphin. It was musty smelling...and worse for the wear of being stored for nearly fifteen years. She sat in the chair by the window, the toy in her lap, wrapping herself in the memories of that night in a different lifetime.

"Aislinn?" The steps got louder, then stopped. Tim O'Neill, her husband,stood at the door of the attic. "You OK, _eudail_?"

She nodded. "Just rummaging about," she said. "Look what I found." She patted the stuffed animal on her lap.

"Dear God," Tim exclaimed, "you still have that thing?" He laughed as he walked over to her chair and sat on the floor next to her. He laid his head on her knee, next to the toy. "It feels like a million years ago, when we went on that date."

She nodded. "It was." Her fingers automatically went towards his hair, and she began to stroke it gently. "Do you ever wonder, Tim, what would have happened if we never had met?"

"Never," Tim said emphatically. "I can't picture my life without you, Linn."

"Can't or won't?" she pressed.

Tim sighed. He knew what it was that drove her up here. It was the guilt. He had been missing for ten years. She had been missing for seven. Two of her lost years came after Tim had returned. Tim had gotten used to the melancholy that came over her when she thought about the choices she had made in the three years before she had been captured by the Macronesians. How they affected her family--both her natural born family and her 'adopted' family--HIS family. How they affected HIM, and some of the choices he had made before she had been found. He had gotten used to it--but he refused to let her hide from him because if it.

He kissed her knee gently, and rubbed her leg with his hand. "You remember the song I had the DJ play for us that night?"

She nodded. "Iris. From City of Angels."

"Why did I choose that song?"

Linn thought back, her mind trying to sort through them memories she had shut off for so very long.

"I'd give up forever to touch you--you're the closest thing to heaven that I'll ever be--I just want you to know who I am," Tim said, quoting the lines of the song that meant the most to them. "I didn't know then that those were prophecy--that I would really get to that point. But I meant it then--and I mean it now--you are the best thing to ever happen to me. I wouldn't give up one instant of that. Not one."

"So--do I know who you are yet?" Linn asked.

Tim nodded without hesitation. "Yes. We've both been broken--and look where we ended up. Back together. That has to count for something."

Linn nodded. "It does." She leaned down and kissed Tim's head. "I love you, y'know, Mr. O'Neill."

Tim smiled. "I love you, too. You up to dinner, Mrs. O'Neill?" he asked as he stood, and held his hands out to her.

Linn giggled as he pulled her out of the chair. "Sure. How about a drive down to Key West? I hear there's this great little bistro on the Piers..."

**Author's Note:**

> Tim O'Neill, Chief Crocker and the rest of the crew of the seaQuest DSV belong to the Sci-Fi Channel. Lt. Aislinn MacMurdo doesn't....thought I'm sure if any of the old writers for sQ are out there--they WISH she did!


End file.
